Feedback from You on Contemplating Divorce
September 18, 2009
So many of you are finding the book helpful and nothing makes me feel better. I appreciate your comments and thought I’d post some of them here so you can get a sense of how the book might help you too.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen, Bowen Island, British Columbia, Canada
“an amazing book…” September 18, 2009
“Contemplating Divorce – [is] an amazing book, and belongs on the shelf of even happily married couples! [Pease Gadoua] discusses how to rebuild marriages in practical ways.”
Douglas C. Lord - Library Journal
“This is an excellent resource with a consistently respectful tone…” September 8, 2009
Even the best divorces are upheavals, messing up finances, routines, and emotions; this supportive primer totally aces helping readers clarify whether to go through with it. Social worker Gadoua notes the steps in the process of deciding, which range from passively considering to actively leaving. Instructive real-life examples show the dynamics of deteriorating marriages with both happy and unhappy endings. Gadoua also explains the difference between staying in a bad marriage out of fear vs. confidently leaving it with expectations of future happiness. Chapters encourage readers to optimize their attitudes and approaches in order to “best influence” their partners and themselves, and workbooklike sections raise issues to ponder. Clear advice seems elementary but not simplistic, e.g., “you can always choose how to interpret the events in your life. Your feelings about an event are one thing; how you interpret them is quite another.” This is an excellent resource with a consistently respectful tone; coupled with a guide like Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce, it will make readers feel better equipped to handle a tough decision. Highly recommended for all public libraries and family support collections.
***** 5 stars
A must read for anyone who wants to work on their marriage. June 3, 2009
By JST (CA United States)
This book is fantastic, and was instrumental in parting the clouds for me during one of the most difficult times of my life - determining whether my marriage was salvagable or not. The exercises in this book are very helpful in assessing the work that needs to be done on a marriage, and in determining whether that work can be done by the two of you or not. I highly recommend this book whether you are contemplating divorce or not - in my case, I was contemplating it, and some of the exercises in this book made it crystal clear to me which path was the right one for me. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am to have run across this book, and highly recommend it to anyone facing even the smallest difficulties in their marriage - it can help you see how to approach fixing things if you choose to, or deciding that it is time to end things if you choose to.
***** 5 stars
Extremely insightful; great questions & workbook exercises, November 4, 2008
By Yvonne Gittelson “Dog Wrangler” (Goshen, MA United States) -
I bought this book for a friend, and ended up previewing it myself to make sure it was worth passing on; it definitely is. Having gone through a split 5 years ago (not of my choosing, but ultimately of my relief), I was able to look at this book through the lens of hindsight. I think it is an excellent guide, and I’ve recommended it to a therapist friend of mine, and she agrees. The most important aspect of the book is that there is no right or wrong answer for any/every reader, of course. Every relationship is different, and anyone reading this book will have the opportunity to consider the thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter to see if the marriage can be saved, or if too much damage has been done. Especially if the question of therapy or counseling is currently not an option for you, this book provides a most excellent and inexpensive substitute first step in the process of considering what to do next. Highly recommended.
***** 5 stars
Excellent reading for making life changing decision, August 1, 2008
By Birder123 “nancy” (Tampa, FL, USA) -
Contemplating Divorce is an excellent read for those looking to make the life changing decision to divorce. It has a break down of all the steps needed to make the decision and guides the reader with how to approach every step. This book is very well written and the real stories cover a wide range of marital situations. Personally, I can’t wait for Ms. Pease Gadoua’s next book!!
Nancy Thomas
Tampa, FL
*****5 stars
OUTSTANDING book, November 23, 2008
By Dorie Rosenberg (San Rafael, CA USA) -
This book offers the reader a wealth of information about the difficult, limbo space between an unhappy marriage and making the decision to stay or leave. I especially appreciated Susan’s applications of the theories of phases of contemplation and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to help the reader gain clarity about his or her own process. The exercises are helpful and worthwhile to do. This is a very practical volume that gave me much to reflect on. I recommend it highly for both therapists and the general public.
Dorie Rosenberg, L.M.F.T.
San Rafael, CA.
***** Great book!
By K. Morrison -
This is an important and illuminating book if you REALLY want clarity around one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make! It’s well-written and informative and will definitely help those who are struggling with whether to stay or go.
***** 5 stars
Marriage & Family Therapist review, November 22, 2008
By Mary Beth McClure
After reading many books on the subject, I found the material in ‘Contemplating Divorce’ to be thought-provoking and original, particularly about the cyclic nature of denial and grief. The author outlines clear stages of the process and direction on the most difficult decision: how to know when to keep trying at a marriage and when to let go. Although “Divorce” is in the title, the book has a wealth of wise counsel on doing what’s possible to mend a relationship and an expanded definition of ‘failure’ and ’success.’ I recommended this book and the writing exercises at the end of each chapter to many clients. The author has a refreshingly balanced perspective that provides readers with a clear light.
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My sister bought me this book last year. I go back to it in spurts, I still haven’t read the whole thing through but I’ve read the first 5 chapters about 3 times now. The whole cycle of changing my mind and going over the pros and cons has been continuous for almost 3 years. Back and forth, back and forth. Every time I can read a little further into the book, I know I am making progress in getting to a decision-and finding the courage to act on that decision. Thank you.