Comments for Contemplatingdivorce.Com

Comment on Resolve to Solve or Dissolve Your Marriage This Year by Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 01:24:21 +0000

Hi, I have known for a year and a half that I want to leave my husband but I haven’t been able to get him to leave. My Dad and Stepmother insisted we stay together and “work on it” because that is what they chose to do for their marriage. My Husband is from a completely different culture and insists on applying his culture’s standards to me even though we live in the USA. We have no common interests and it is like having a room-mate with “privileges” who also watches the children. He refuses to leave because of the kids, because he absolutely believes that he won’t be in their lives if he leaves and that divorce will hurt them. I want to be free to find someone who will be a friend and partner, who loves me the way I am.

I found your book at the library & I’m working on reading it. Will there be a workbook available with the exercises from the book? Thanks.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Sven22

Sven22 — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 05:19:35 +0000

This quiz could be made much better. At least the scoring at the end tells you what the author was trying to discern from the available answers. The three possible choices are very incomplete or often assume too much. For example in question 8 if you answer ‘c’ then you “avoid conflict but state truth approriately” and are given 3 points. However, if the other spouse doesn’t listen and dismisses your feelings then you really have “engage in conflict”. I suppose question 9 helps cover that… I got an 18 but I had to fudge some answers where none of the options represented our marriage.

Comment on Introduction to Contemplating Divorce by Kari

Kari — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 20:43:08 +0000

I have been with my husband for 9 years married for almost 5. We have 2 wonderful children together and i have a daughter from a prevous relationship. I am basically the BREADWINNER in my household working full-time carrying the insurance for the family and paying what i would say is 85% of the household bills. He works 2 part-time jobs with NO benefits, NO retirement etc. When the children are sick I take them to the dr., I attend their conferences, when he is home he “holes up in the basement” to watch TV and does NOT want to be bothered by the children. I do it all basically is what i’m saying and because of this I have really “fallen out of love” with him. Do I love him? Yes but I think it’s more of a you are the father of my children type of love. I’m torn from one day to the next, i have contacted a divorce attorney but I am SCARED to sit down with him to tell him what I am contemplating. He loves me, adores me but I do not recipriate those feelings at all. I am happier when he is at work and not home. I know i could do this by myself i practically am already. Any advice is kindly appreciated!!!

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Tomas Roar

Tomas Roar — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 13:48:00 +0000

rocksteady 10 point, im going out tonight (and my name is not muhhamed)

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Mohammad

Mohammad — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 11:37:55 +0000

Got 23 points and i answered the questions with 100% honesty… but still we chose to get divorced. i would say that a marriage is much more complicated then this quiz and its questions. me and my ex wife were loyal to eachother, loved eachother very much and tried over and over to make it work, but we always end up discussing and fighting. Our marriage really emotionally killed eachother.

Comment on Introduction to Contemplating Divorce by Patty

Patty — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:55:15 +0000

My husband and I have been together for 19 years; since we were 16. We’ve been married for 9 years. We have two incredible children. We have had our ups and downs. He had a relationship with another woman about 12 years ago. I don’t know if it was a sexual relationship, but he treated me awful for about 2 years during this “relationship”. Then he said he wanted to be with me. I forgave him and we put it behind us. He started drinking about 3-4 years ago and it became a serious problem. I pulled away from him because he wouldn’t stop and said his drinking wasn’t a big deal. If affected our kids, and they have also been hurt. Then about 6 months ago, he cheated on me. This time, he admitted it and said it was only a one time incident. He didn’t quit drinking until April of this year. By this time, I had decided I was done with the marriage. I told him I wanted a divorce. Of course now, he’s sorry and will do anything to keep us together. He did finally stop drinking. I don’t know if I can forgive him, again. I’ve had this invisible wall up around me to protect me from his hurtful ways and I don’t know that I can just let it down. I don’t trust him. How many times do you forgive someone for hurting you? Or do I play the good wife and mother to salvage the marriage and family? I’m so confused, hurt, and scared.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Henrik

Henrik — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 07:45:51 +0000

I wonder why there are no questions about sex and intimacy.
I scored 23 which means quite OK’ish, but we have not had sex or even kissed for real for over a year, I think this means we belong to the bottom score.
Sex and intimacy is majorly important for men, if we do not get this kind of attention we feel unwanted unloved, and it kills all desire to please the women on all the other levels.
So I think this test is not good enough.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Ege

Ege — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:28:16 +0000

Got 25 score, of course. “Of course” since we’re both pigheaded, come from different cultures and are hot-tempered but have been through a lot of things together that would’ve made most people quit if there wasn’t a ‘workable marriage’.
@ Eileen, find someone to advise you on your financial possibilities after divorce so that you are prepared, find a lawyer and get him/her join you when you spring the suit on your husband.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Michala

Michala — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 19:13:51 +0000

Hi, I just took your quiz and had 20, which says that we need to change some patterns, and it is so true. We have just decided to get some therapy to help us in our marriage. So your quiz was right

@Eileen: It sounds like your environment is not healthy for your children either. Perhaps he’ll “wake up” if you actually is doing something about your threat of leaving him! All the best to you and your children.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Eileen De Domenico Matichuk

Eileen De Domenico Matichuk — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 08:29:29 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have 3 children 10, 13 & 16 and are beginning to show signs of effects of our relationship/marriage. He is verbally abusive and takes very good care of himself. Is trying to make up for what his father did not do for him when he was growing up playing sports. He has my 10 & 13 year old playing alot - involved to the point of he has no relationship with my 16 yr old daughter, myself and our home. He has no prioities, no goals or plans other the desire to ‘just live.’ I have been contemplating divorce and now know I need to divorce after reading an article given to me regarding abusive relationships. I have set myself up so I can afford to care for the kids and continue to live in our home without moving. Bottom line is I do not have the balls to sit him down and tell him it has to happen - divorce. Not sure how he’ll take it - it comes up in conversation all the time. My house is full of lies, no one is accountable for their actions, always pointing fingers, tension….. how can you expect your children to do things around the house if you do not have a routine of doing…..