Comments for Contemplatingdivorce.Com

Comment on Introduction to Contemplating Divorce by Patty

Patty — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:55:15 +0000

My husband and I have been together for 19 years; since we were 16. We’ve been married for 9 years. We have two incredible children. We have had our ups and downs. He had a relationship with another woman about 12 years ago. I don’t know if it was a sexual relationship, but he treated me awful for about 2 years during this “relationship”. Then he said he wanted to be with me. I forgave him and we put it behind us. He started drinking about 3-4 years ago and it became a serious problem. I pulled away from him because he wouldn’t stop and said his drinking wasn’t a big deal. If affected our kids, and they have also been hurt. Then about 6 months ago, he cheated on me. This time, he admitted it and said it was only a one time incident. He didn’t quit drinking until April of this year. By this time, I had decided I was done with the marriage. I told him I wanted a divorce. Of course now, he’s sorry and will do anything to keep us together. He did finally stop drinking. I don’t know if I can forgive him, again. I’ve had this invisible wall up around me to protect me from his hurtful ways and I don’t know that I can just let it down. I don’t trust him. How many times do you forgive someone for hurting you? Or do I play the good wife and mother to salvage the marriage and family? I’m so confused, hurt, and scared.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Henrik

Henrik — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 07:45:51 +0000

I wonder why there are no questions about sex and intimacy.
I scored 23 which means quite OK’ish, but we have not had sex or even kissed for real for over a year, I think this means we belong to the bottom score.
Sex and intimacy is majorly important for men, if we do not get this kind of attention we feel unwanted unloved, and it kills all desire to please the women on all the other levels.
So I think this test is not good enough.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Ege

Ege — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:28:16 +0000

Got 25 score, of course. “Of course” since we’re both pigheaded, come from different cultures and are hot-tempered but have been through a lot of things together that would’ve made most people quit if there wasn’t a ‘workable marriage’.
@ Eileen, find someone to advise you on your financial possibilities after divorce so that you are prepared, find a lawyer and get him/her join you when you spring the suit on your husband.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Michala

Michala — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 19:13:51 +0000

Hi, I just took your quiz and had 20, which says that we need to change some patterns, and it is so true. We have just decided to get some therapy to help us in our marriage. So your quiz was right

@Eileen: It sounds like your environment is not healthy for your children either. Perhaps he’ll “wake up” if you actually is doing something about your threat of leaving him! All the best to you and your children.

Comment on Does Your Marriage Work? by Eileen De Domenico Matichuk

Eileen De Domenico Matichuk — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 08:29:29 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have 3 children 10, 13 & 16 and are beginning to show signs of effects of our relationship/marriage. He is verbally abusive and takes very good care of himself. Is trying to make up for what his father did not do for him when he was growing up playing sports. He has my 10 & 13 year old playing alot - involved to the point of he has no relationship with my 16 yr old daughter, myself and our home. He has no prioities, no goals or plans other the desire to ‘just live.’ I have been contemplating divorce and now know I need to divorce after reading an article given to me regarding abusive relationships. I have set myself up so I can afford to care for the kids and continue to live in our home without moving. Bottom line is I do not have the balls to sit him down and tell him it has to happen - divorce. Not sure how he’ll take it - it comes up in conversation all the time. My house is full of lies, no one is accountable for their actions, always pointing fingers, tension….. how can you expect your children to do things around the house if you do not have a routine of doing…..

Comment on Feedback from You on Contemplating Divorce by J. Smith

J. Smith — Thu, 20 May 2010 18:32:58 +0000

My sister bought me this book last year. I go back to it in spurts, I still haven’t read the whole thing through but I’ve read the first 5 chapters about 3 times now. The whole cycle of changing my mind and going over the pros and cons has been continuous for almost 3 years. Back and forth, back and forth. Every time I can read a little further into the book, I know I am making progress in getting to a decision-and finding the courage to act on that decision. Thank you.

Comment on Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes by Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes

Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:56:54 +0000

[...] Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes … 257-0830. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2010 Class Schedule Winter 2010 Seventh Annual Dreamboard Day – Bay Area women are welcome to cast their visions for 2010 to the sky and set their intentions for the year to come. Every year, we have more and more women join in this amazing … Tags: sky, schedule winter, Winter, visions, Day [...]

Comment on Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes by Susan Pease Gadoua

Susan Pease Gadoua — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 19:21:13 +0000

Hi Kris,

Depending on where you live, there may be what’s called a Financial Counselor. This is a professional who can help you understand your finances and create a workable budget for your lifestyle and help you plan for a divorce in the event that you do divorce.

Nolo Press also puts out a book called, Divorce and Money, that you may find helpful. Many libraries carry the Nolo Press books.

Additionally, many areas have a low fee legal service so you may want to contact your local superior court to find out what is available to you.

Comment on Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes by Kris

Kris — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 13:40:08 +0000

After 29 years I am tired of the emotional games. I need some facts on how I will survive financially, etc. Do I confer with a lawyer at this point? I work at a job (with little pay) I love because I want to, not because I have to and I don’t want to have to give it up for a job to support myself.

Comment on Counseling Services & Upcoming Classes by Susan Pease Gadoua

Susan Pease Gadoua — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 07:15:32 +0000

Hi Ralph,

You are not alone and I’m sorry to hear about your situation. There may be some low cost temporary fixes such as staying with friends or relatives, housesitting, going away alone or together.

I’m sharing an article with you that I just wrote for my Psychology Today column. I hope you find it useful.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201001/divorce-rates-declined-last-year-is-good-news-or-just-the-quiet-th